Jesus Christ help me, I’m going mad. Episode three, where do I begin? How do I begin? This series is doing one hell of a number on me. I love it, I hate it, I love it again and then I feel a bit odd and wobbly about the fact that I love it. That I admit that I am so drawn to this story that I have loaded myself up with each episode to have my Friday reads with Mat, Dougie and Nikolai.Burn the past.Dougie and Mat have been bought at Madame’s auction after that gruesome and heart wrenching display by Dougie. They are packaged and shipped separately to their new owner. Neither brother knows what is going on with the other…that is the biggest obstacle for them; being apart. The difference in the way they are handled is, quite frankly brilliant. You feel their pain, their isolation and their fear of uncertainty about what will happen next. Mat’s journey was hard to read, it always is but his guide revealed something that once I read his phone conversation with Nikolai I started to look at things different. Now, I am not putting on rose colored glasses but the fact that Nikolai is capable of…it just changes things a bit for me.This episode felt different from the first two. Not that it was any less brutal but we got more of Nikolai who I can say I am fascinated by. Maybe I have developed a fetish for sadists? There is something attractive to me about the way they carry themselves. Their mannerisms, their level of control, the way they speak…it’s almost aristocratic if you will. Just the simplicity of Nikolai NOT using the nicknames for the brothers and instead referring to them as Mathias and Douglas. How proper he is with his slaves in training.You may call me ‘sir’ or ‘master.’ I am not a man who threatens; I find the whole business uncouth. But in life there are choices, and there are consequences. There are always consequences. Choices…these boys have just begun their journey and I am so intrigued yet frightened for what is in store for them. I want them to fight, I want them to give in, I want them to be okay. I hold my breath each Friday as I read another episode waiting to find out what will happen and how this will all be played out. Until next time.Tell me what I have to do. Tell me how not to suffer. Offer them everything – not just your mouth, but your heart and mind as well.