I Love You to Death - Natalie Ward Wow! What an emotional read this one was. Going into this book I was not prepared for the emotions I would have. I resembled the cover though less pretty and with more tears streaming down my face. I had a dreamAnd I was so lonelyMy friends and familyThe little things I've got, I've gotNow there's something here before meA figure, I thinkIsn't there a warningOr something to drinkMy god, my godWhen my thoughts drift to you~Infinite Arms, Band of HorsesI Love You to Death begins with our voice, Ash, on the floor in pain. Deeply emotional pain, a searing, scaring pain that we don’t and won’t begin to understand until she starts to tell her story. Told completely in her perspective we learn that Ash has not had the easiest life. She has suffered many tragedies and lost those who are most important to her, the ones that owned her heart for periods of time that she cannot let go of. Ash is determined to never let anyone she loves be taken from her again. She cannot let herself get close to someone to have them die because of her. She decides to close herself off and just get by if she can. It doesn’t hurt meDo you want to feel how it feels?Do you want to know that it doesn’t hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I’m making? You, it's you and meIt's you and me won’t be unhappyAnd if I only couldI'd make a deal with GodAnd I'd get him to swap our places~Running up that Hill, Placebo*After the last loss, the one that is fresh in her mind and heart Ash decided to do what the letter asked of her and to move on. She goes back to work and runs into the new guy, Luke. He is something Ash is not expecting, something she does not want but something she can’t seem to escape. They begin a friendship, a slow building friendship that is turning into something more. This type of relationship scares Ash to the core but she can’t stop what is happening. Throughout this book, what is currently happening in Ash’s life we get the REAL story of what has brought Ash to this precipice. Each heartbreaking loss that Ash has suffered is told through memories that had me reminding my self to breathe. How could someone endure this much and keep going? Just when I thought I was all cried out the author hits me again, square in the gut with a force that had me putting my Nook down a few times. I wasn’t sure I could keep reading but I knew I HAD to. I fell in love with Ash and Luke immediately. Ash with her issues, her beliefs that she is the cause of so much pain made me want to crawl on to the page and just hug her. Though I can imagine the look she would give me if I did! Luke, sigh. That man is the most patient character I think I have ever read. The way he deals with Ash, not with kid gloves, he just gets her. Even not “knowing” her from the start, there is something about the connection that they share that allows him to just be with her. Be what she needs, when she needs it; even when she thinks she doesn’t want it. I know you've sufferedBut I don't want you to hide It's cold and loveless I won't let you be deniedI want to reconcile the violence in your heart I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask I want to exorcise the demons from your past I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart~Undisclosed Desires, MuseI Love You to Death is a wonderful heartbreaking story. The writing style was unique and refreshing. I loved the playlist before every chapter, it helped set the mood. I Love You to Death is a book that brings you to the darkest depth of emotion, the emotion of watching the people you love the most die one by one. Dying a dozen times can do a number on the heart but that one person; the one that can take dying and give you life… that is what makes the pain worth it. What if I wanted to fightBeg for the rest of my lifeWhat would you do?I tried to be someone elseBut nothing seemed to changeI know now, this is who I really am insideFinally found myselfFighting for a chanceI know now, this is who I really am.Look in my eyesYou're killing me, killing meAll I wanted was you~The Kill, 30 Seconds to Mars*Original Lyrics by Kate Bush